Tsuki no Sango - Oneshot - Part 3

Dyslexia. One of many types of educational disabilities. 

While most intellectual functions remain intact, the disorder causes difficulty in understanding language. For the dyslexic, words look like oil spilled over water. My ears are similar. I was born unable to comprehend the beauty of sound. I cannot disseminate the information in sound. My world is composed of text and texture. From the day I was born until the day I die, I will never be able to have a conversation. 

I feel reluctance in someone like me leaving a recording like this, but there’s no other way. After all, she had been able to pick up on almost everything, but she had never been able to acquire the knowledge to read and write. 

♦ 

When I was born, the Gregorian calendar had already been lost. 

Humanity had passed through its hour of death, and was simply waiting for its turn to fall into eternal slumber. 

I was born in the reconstructed 12th Protective City. 

It was a relatively effective cultural garden that managed to keep its population of about 10,000 alive. 

That year there was one death and zero births in the 12th Protective City. 

The records say that at one time on this planet, there was one death and three newborns every second. The plus outweighed the minus. That was how powerful humans were as a species. Such power is nowhere to be found today. 

On the other hand, the environment problems on the surface had been solved. Not by the strength of people however, but rather as a result of this planet standing firm for a long time. Sunlight, water, and air had become extremely precious, but still filled the earth. It’s not that the prosperity of old was no longer something to aspire to. After all, there wasn’t any problem with simply rapidly breeding again. But there was one simple reason for why the human population was on a steady decline. And that was because the humanity as a species had lost its desire. Its motivation, you could say. 

Fuel is needed to move forward on the road of evolution, but humanity had used it all up. We’d worked so hard to avoid leaking life, to store it up, yet no one ever realized something was still needed to drive our basic life force. That fuel wasn’t something that belonged to any one individual, but rather was consumed by the entire species. There was also a limited quantity of it. It should have been obvious. Even in the metaphysical world, there is nothing truly infinite in this universe. We live in a closed universe, and at the end, balance will ensure that everything will to return to nothingness. 

Even so, there were some who worked to continue the species. 

As one of those, I was granted the privileges of a citizen. 

The restoration project was grandiose, split into Resurrection and Continuation. 

The Resurrection section worked on the restoration of sensitivity and culture. 

The Continuation section was responsible for preserving that which was being lost. That included technology of course, but also life. The Continuation section was responsible for preventing suicide. 

I was sent to the Continuation section. Entertainment was necessary to continue humanity. This was the deemed the best way to improve the bottom line of culture, as opposed simply leading people by the nose. 

Communication and networks are vital to human life, and at its core is “entertainment.” I was the last person to be entrusted with its management and improvement. 

The year I was born was also the year that designer babies—specially gifted children created using genetic modification—were tested. 

There were no successful cases. Upon birth, each one stopped breathing and went into eternal slumber. Leave it be. Some scientists blamed the collective unwillingness of humanity to continue living as the cause. 

Testing moved onto the next step. If the heart is stopped by consciousness, then one simply needed to create a heart that couldn’t be stopped by human will. An actual robot-like human wouldn’t find the very act of living distasteful. There were several successes on that front, but they had some faults. Specifically, there were problems with their five basic senses, and they tended to lack emotional sensitivity, but from a biological standpoint they were very much human. At least, that’s what I’ve heard. 

Regardless, the result was an insatiable curiosity and an indomitable will. The Continuation section’s staff managed to preserve one of the reasons for humanity’s strength on this planet. But I couldn’t be like them. As someone who couldn’t understand sound and didn’t know conversation, I wanted the world to be simpler. While I was working on expanding the sea of information thrusted upon me, I stumbled across the remnants of space exploration. Without taking into account the inability to return, there remained several ways to get to the moon. 

That was the only reason I decided to head there. 

I restored a rocket, rebuilt it, and gradually acclimatized my body to handle space flight. 

Despite being open about my work to the people of the city, due to their inherent apathy towards others, they never paid any attention to it. The prevailing philosophy was that as long as you were fulfilling your duties, no one interfered with your life. 

I donned the spacesuit, which once worn, could not be taken off. Even as I climbed into the rocket, I never once hesitated. 

I didn’t fear my inability to turn to my birthplace. I had no anxiety even after I was well into space. There were no traces of life remaining in the lunar cities. 

But the buildings still stood. The bare minimum for survival should still be intact. And if I had underestimated what I needed to bring with me, then the result would simply be the death of one more idiot. 

After being released from the Earth after circling it twice to gain momentum, the rocket slowly slid into the Moon’s gravitational pull. 

I looked down upon the world I used to live on. 

A strong sense of guilt hit me. 

I didn’t hate humans. I just didn’t want to deal with them. 

I’d been born into the world in the hopes of fulfilling the hope of humanity, but I had my hands full with my own problems. All I wanted was the network, myself, and a small room. I was at peace in a world without sound, where I could simply look at information. I would be able to lock myself up on the Moon with no one to bother me. 

It wasn’t that I had killed anyone. 

But I had abandoned myself, along with humanity. 

Everything had become too troublesome, so I physically cut the ties for mutual aid. 

♦ 

A bit of effort was required to land on the lunar surface. 

I’d already noticed it while I was performing observations from the Earth, but most of the Moon was covered by a sheet of ice. It was a blue ceiling that seemed to be protecting the seven cities that were built on the lunar surface. When I was planning to leave the Earth, determining a method of entry turned out to be the most troublesome task. I spent an entire month trying to calculate an entry path under the ice umbrella. The more I did the math, the more this ice layer puzzled me. I became exasperated to the point that I wanted to directly ask the one responsible what purpose it served. 

Of course, there was no one I could complain to. I slid onto the lunar surface and entered a city. 

Scanning for signs of life revealed nothing. The seven cities were a huge grave. 

There was only electric lights twinkling under the gray monument. 

Looking up at the sky, I saw sunlight dancing under the thick ice wall. 

The empty buildings were like a reef, sunken into the dark ashen blue. 

This was more like the bottom of the ocean than the surface of the Moon. 

I glanced down at my hand, encased in the space suit. 

It had been created to sustain life on the lunar surface, but now seemed more like a tin plated diving suit. 

I had intended to climb up here from the Earth, but had apparently instead sunk to the bottom of the Moon. 

Regardless, the first order of business was to secure resources. 

I used the Fifth Lunar City “Matori” as my headquarters and headed to the other side of the moon. My research indicated that there should be a nuclear core there that provided hydrogen to the seven cities. 

However. When I got there, just once, I doubted my sanity. 

On the other side of the moon, which could not be seen from the Earth, was a gray forest. 

Trees made of limestone. A thick layer of ice covering the sky. And at the center of it all, at core of the nuclear reactor providing the necessary molecules for hydrogen, carbon, oxygen, and nitrogen, there it stood. 

An ancient fairytale came to mind. 

Was it Andersen’s “The Little Mermaid” where she melted away into tears at the end? 

It was sculpted unbelievably human-like. 

A living girl illuminated by blue light. 

Glowing flaxen hair, smooth stone skin. It reminded me of white, unblemished alabaster. 

It remained unmoving, only its serene, glowing eyes gazing at me. 

She was beautiful, and also not human. 

She had an old dress made of some unknown material placed upon her. 

Yes, placed upon her. 

Because she almost certainly hadn’t worn it herself. 

The girl was sitting in a shallow lake, with her arms falling to the ground at her sides. That was where they ended. Both of the girl’s hands were fused into the ground of the Moon. Her arms were discolored black from the elbow downwards, and her construction became sharper as it connected with the ground. 

Because of this, she looked like a pillar extending from the ground. There was no way she could have worn that dress. I would later find out that one of the scientists responsible for her creation had felt bad leaving her naked like that, and placed the dress over her. His peers had apparently chided him for treating her as a human, and at this point I’m inclined to agree with them. 

After all, it was effectively imprisoned. 

Yet, you could also say it was being protected. 

A figure that was a mixture of both beauty as well as ugliness. 

The girl also seemed to be wary of the new visitor as I was of her. 

My first impression was, of course, 

“Wait, that can’t be right. Why is there an alien on the surface of the moon?” 

I had come all the way to the Moon so I could be alone! 

♦ 

Of course, she was a proper life form falling under the umbrella of terrestrial life, not an alien. 

According to records left in the lunar cities, she was an input mechanism for managing the planet more efficiently. Apparently they treated the planet as a life form of its own, and isolated its soul into a silicon- based body. It says “soul”, but presumably they meant “brain”. Planets have parts that you could call their “body” and “heart”, but no such organ as a “brain”. The scientists on the Moon had created an artificial brain, and a command body to go along with it with which they could control the planet as they pleased. 

I felt reluctant to approach such a grandiose life form, but the resources required for survival came from her surroundings. Hydrogen, electricity, all of it needed to be directly retrieved from the forest in which she resided. As such, we would always naturally make eye contact. This was the only place on the Moon from which water sprung. Every twelve hours I would go to replenish my stocks, and each time, I would gaze at the forest by the girl’s side for an hour. 

The girl never took a single step, nor did she ever seem to try to communicate with me. 

Silicon life—the girl, made of stone, was an immortal life form that operated on a different time scale from us. She was not an incomplete life form like me. 

Replenishment cycle number 112. 

It was simple, hard work, yet I felt no pain. 

It would seem that I’d taken a liking to this forest. 

The forests on Earth had far too much life for my tastes. I couldn’t stand it. But this forest was pure. And more importantly, silent. If there were someplace I could live in this area, I would move there without a second thought. 

I planted the tank into the ground and retrieved only as much resources as I needed. While I waited, I would sit beside the girl and offer her information. It wasn’t that she had requested it. After all, we had no method of communication to begin with. This was just symbolic exchange of goods in order to satisfy myself. I had only information to offer her, so I told her stories. It was nothing more than an exercise in self-satisfaction. 

“Still... Despite having the form of a human, perhaps it’s a little too arrogant to force human culture onto you, too.” 

I had nothing in particular to do since I was just waiting, so I grabbed a hold of the girl’s dress. I felt that even though she was shaped like a human, there was something wrong in forcing human perspectives onto her as well. But just as I was about to pull off the dress which in my mind was bothering her, an intense pain jolted through my abdomen. 

It was a historic moment. The girl’s arm, which shouldn’t have been able to move, suddenly sprang into motion. 

I must have slid across the ground for maybe three kilometers. I probably would have put mass drivers to shame. If I hadn’t gotten caught on a crater, I would no doubt have flown right into space. Non-human life forms can be split into two types: aliens and invaders. I had determined that she was not an alien, but I could only pray that she wasn’t an invader. 

“I apologize for my rudeness yesterday, but I hope you can also consider your actions. If this were Earth, you‘d be behind bars by now. You should probably learn a little about how fragile humans are.” 

48 hours later. 

I constructed a new vehicle and confronted the girl. 

Quite frankly, it was dangerous, but I also wanted to avoid having to put my life on the line every twelve hours. I wanted to negotiate peacefully if possible. 

I figured that even if I couldn’t hold a conversation with her, I could at least convey my intentions. If the residents of the Moon were using her to control the planet, then she must have some sort of input functionality. I tried using my arms to indicate that I wouldn’t repeat my previous actions, and after about an hour, she nodded her head and accepted my apology. 

And so my fears of invasion disappeared. 

I would have to meet the girl every twelve hours, but she wasn’t human, so I was fine with that. 

“It’s not because people don’t want to die that they fear death. People need to propagate, so what they actually fear is dying before they can do that.” 

I continued my one-sided conversations in the forest. 

That’s the reason why humans consider death taboo. Life is based on the preservation of life. The genes that act as blueprints for our bodies are made of nucleic acid, or DNA. The double helix code is created as complete pairs. You take these strands and attach them upside-down from end to end. In this way, one strand creates the blueprint for life, and the other duplicates it. Even if one were to be lost, the other would take over that role, and continue the work of life. In this way, we are constructed from the beginning to always prioritize leaving a remnant of ourselves. 

“To propagate, to create children, or in other words, to pass on our own genes, means to continue forever. The truth is, life forms become worthless once they create a child. After a superior duplicate has been made, keeping the original alive is just a waste of resources.” 

To choose someone of the opposite sex that you match with, and to seek out more beautiful partners is not a function of the soul, but rather a primal drive to inject superior genes into your own duplicate. 

We are nothing but carriers of genes. The fact that people have emotions is simply due to it being an efficient system for passing on those genes. There was once a bird that duplicated more 500 million of itself. It had a population in numbers that no other species could challenge. If humans were like every other animal in nature, they shouldn’t have been able to propagate to the same degree as birds given their body size. And yet, humans managed to do just that. They consumed the 500 million birds as food, and in the end surpassed that species in number. Humans don’t have emotion and knowledge in order to enrich their lives. Those faculties exist solely to be the ultimate weapon for ensuring that homo sapiens would dominate the planet. Emotionless machines wouldn’t be able to achieve that, because machines desire only efficiency. Once the most efficient state is reached, evolution would halt. 

“Life must continue to propagate. Until that goal is fulfilled, death will always be feared. But as soon as a child has been raised, the fear of death that grips them will be loosened a bit, because they’ve fulfilled their duty. After that, they’re free to live the rest of their lives as they wish. They can decide as an individual whether to continue assisting in the propagation of the species, or to work for their own gain.” 

That said, the people on Earth do not fall under this description. 

Humanity’s soul had hardened. After having reached the “endgame” and seizing the future, they no longer felt constrained to continue the species. Everyone left the job of self-preservation and self-improvement to others. For them, propagation was no longer a primal will or obligation, but rather just a hobby. 

“Even so, as long as it’s at least a hobby, there’s still hope. If we ever lose that, we’ll no longer have the right to call ourselves living beings.” 

The girl, as usual, didn’t so much as blink. 

I didn’t really care whether she understood what I said or not. I’d spoken enough to make up for the resources I was taking, so I quickly left the forest. 

The Moon’s forest was silent and pure as usual. I couldn’t help but stop and take in the scene, but when I looked back, I saw that the girl had lifted her hand slightly. It was as if she was plucking at a winged insect in front of her. I would later realize that it was a time-delayed reaction to something thirty minutes prior, but at the time, I couldn’t understand her intentions. 

♦ 

“You shouldn’t waste. I only need to fill this one tank. I’m using your resources freely, but there’s still the possibility that they might run out. If the planet dries up, you’d be taken down along with it, wouldn’t you?” 

Replenishment cycle number 180. 

The creation of chemical elements had been increasing lately, so I tried to warn her. 

To my surprise, she reacted by casting her eyes down in sadness. 

She understood what I was saying. 

And more importantly, she was learning how to convey her own thoughts. 

She may have learned nothing from my words, but by observing me, she was slowly evolving herself. I was dumbfounded at the time, so it never occurred to me to wonder why she was doing it. 

“First your hands, now your legs. I don’t think that becoming independent is necessarily a good thing though.” 

On the 240th replenishment cycle, the girl had learned to stand. 

Her hands and feet that were previously fused to the ground had become like that of a human. 

She was still only able to stand, but at this rate she would soon be able to walk. 

It was small news to me. Of more concern to me was the damage to parts of the forest that I had begun to notice. Small bits here and there being eaten away was not good for my emotional wellbeing. 

I launched myself into repairing the trees. When I looked back, the girl was smiling contentedly. She seemed to be appreciating it almost as if I were doing her a favor. Maintaining the forest became a part of my daily routine. 

“Try not to approach me without warning. I don’t have a spare space suit so if this one breaks, I’ll definitely die. Oh dear, you tripped again. If you want to move more like a human, you should probably make some knee joints.” 

Unlike a human, she lacked an internal skeletal structure. Rather, she was encasing her organs with bones, so she was inside-out compared to us. That said, I myself was covering my body with a space suit, so I suppose I was somewhat like her. 

I did my best to help her, but I didn’t let her touch me. Safety was a concern of course, but I also didn’t want to be touched by those fingers. 

Now that she was able to walk, her dress fulfilled its intended function. 

Her figure slid through the ashen trees, almost as if to ask. 

Have I become more human? 

Noise reverberated through what should have been a silent forest. It couldn’t possibly have been a signal from earth. 

It was probably the space suit malfunctioning. I’d have to check it when I returned to the city. 

The girl was persistently frolicking amongst the trees. 

I took it to mean she was asking for my opinion on her new-found ability to walk. 

“Let’s see... If I had to compare. I’d say your body is closer to a coral.” 

The girl spun around in her dress as if she were jumping in response to my nonsensical mumblings. 

♦ 

I spent roughly six months in Earth time with her. 

The chemical production rate had been dropping lately. It was still more than sufficient for me to live alone, but taking her into consideration, I decided cut off power from the terminal in the city. I’d long since disconnected the network. If I could make the city more efficient, I can start it up again. If I cut all the surplus functions out like food and heat production, I wouldn’t even need a tank’s worth of fuel. I could go twelve hours with a single cup. 

♦ 

More than half of the Moon’s forest had reverted to sand. 

This forest is probably the girl’s only suitable habitat. 

As it receded, her liveliness also diminished. 

I’m sorry. I haven’t been able to move the planet as well as I used to lately. 

The girl moved her mouth. Waves emanated through the vacuum. 

It wasn’t a malfunction of the spacesuit. She had acquired vocal cords. 

I didn’t understand. Why does she push herself like this, I asked myself. 

I want to know more about you. I want to toueh you. 

She pleaded, her eyes clinging to me. 

I recorded it, but I couldn’t decipher the sounds. 

The girl’s voice didn’t seem to fit any known language, and even when I tried converting the recorded sound to text, all that came out was a string of letters. To me, sounded words were just like the song of an exotic country. 

“You’re continuing to develop. I told you this before, but self-preservation and evolution are the obligation of all life forms, as well as their proof of existence. However, your evolution is not progressing in a good direction. Why did you create such an unwieldy body?” 

I don’t eare about those eomplieated things. I just want to talk with you. 

She placed her hands over her chest and glared at me. 

The expression on her face seemed to say, “This is my body here”. 

Even now, I don’t understand my mental state at the time. I felt a cold pain as if someone had slashed my back, and a small fever, as if my heart were being compressed. It was the same as when I was looking down at Earth after leaving it. An inexplicable movement of the soul. 

The girl was acting on what you’d call a heart. 

She was beginning to experience emotions. 

I had realized it long ago. I was just averting my eyes from it until now. 

This life form wasn’t growing to fit her surroundings, but rather was growing to fulfill the wish she had chosen. 

“I see. You want to take the form of a human.” 

She nodded vigorously. 

For the two of us who had all this time been unable to communicate, this was probably the only time we fully understood each other. 

The reason why she didn’t harm me was because she wanted to use my body as a reference. 

The reason why she smiles for me and the fondness that she feels for me however, is not because of love. 

She simply doesn’t know any other humans. 

Time passed. 

There was no stopping her degradation. 

She was trying to transform into a carbon-based life form. What lay ahead for her on that path was nothing but an irreversible weakening of her species. 

The resource pool of the moon was also starting to dwindle. 

As she lost more and more of her functionality as the Moon’s brain and limbs, the surface naturally reverted to a world of death. 

Hello, Captain Armstrong. The Moon was returning to its natural form, to a world where humans are not supposed to live, just as it was when humanity first set foot on the moon. 

The girl began tumbling towards death. 

The more human she became, the more the planet abandoned her. 

The more she became enchanted by humanity, the more I lost my drive. 

But even so... 

If such a beautiful stone wished to obtain life, then I had to fulfill her wish. 

I began working on repairing the rocket. 

I secured as much of the remaining resources as I could. 

The seven lunar cities would soon all become part of the sea of dust. 

I did what I could. I prioritized my own survival, of course. If I were to neglect myself after having taught her that very principle, I wouldn’t be able to look her in the face. 

She began spending over eighty percent of her time sleeping. 

I embraced her as she slept. I’d forbidden her from touching me all this time, but as I suspected, I couldn’t touch her through my space suit. That’s why I’d at least remember this reading. In this sea of weightlessness, data was the only definite memory. 

She woke up as I was bringing her from the forest to the city. Even without saying anything I’m sure she could probably understand what was happening. The girl resisted, but lacked the strength she used to have. 

After struggling for a while, she returned to sleep. 

I laid her down in the single-seat rocket. 

What would normally take five minutes, for some reason ended up taking several hours. 

I’d made sure she would be safe, but she would no doubt resent me for it later. After all, this plan relied on the ship breaking up in mid-air. 

As long as she could enter the atmosphere safely, she should be okay. The escape pod would then drop her into the ocean. She may have gotten weak, but she’s still partly a planet. Her body’s exterior would quickly adjust to her surroundings. It might hurt a bit, but I hoped she’d forgive me for that. 

Just two minutes remained until takeoff. 

It was a grandiose project that took roughly eighty percent of the Moon’s remaining resources. 

It all belonged to her in the first place though, so I didn’t feel bad about it. 

My sensors picked up waves again. 

I heard pounding from the walls inside the rocket. 

Through the window I saw her disheveled, flaxen hair. 

I had nothing else to do, so I spoke to her, as I’d always done. 

“Calm down. You don’t need me anymore. Your soul simply seeks love. Once you fall onto that planet, you’ll find everything you want there.” 

No, you’re wrong! I didn’t love humans. I loved you! 

“Don’t worry. After you’re gone, I will become something like you were originally. When the resources run out here, I won’t be able to continue existing as a human, anyway. This was what I had originally intended, to be honest. So I’ll no longer be lonely, just like how you were before.” 

That’s wrong too! Eventually you will also seek love! 

I don’t understand songs. 

Yet her waves felt wonderful and didn’t discomfort me at all. 

The pounding on the walls grew stronger. 

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I wondered if she might actually punch through. 

In my mind, I wasn’t worried about the plan being stopped so much as how to keep her safe if she were to do that. 

That train of thought would normally be unthinkable for me. Actually, that’s not right either. Ever since I’d arrived on this planet, I’d worked for that girl. Not a day had passed without me thinking about her. So in that sense, the way my heart worked now was the norm. I will never forget the days I spent with her, the days I wished would never end. 

“Some time ago, I spoke to you about the definition of life. I said that those who abandon living aren’t considered life forms. That was true. If you wish to truly live, then you must leave behind a child.” 

Please wait! At the very least, let me speak with you just onee more. 

My decision to drop this girl down to Earth was wicked. 

It may be an action that ends humanity. 

But then again, I had already abandoned humanity. 

That’s why I had come to this world. 

And that’s why, until this moment when I was about to lose everything, I never realized where my heart truly lay. 

My memories hit me as though they were delivering my punishment. That’s the kind of human I was. 

“I hated humans. I’d given up on everything and climbed to the Moon to escape. A person like me has no right to love.” 

I was weak and selfish like so many other humans. 

Yet even a machine like me, lacking even the functionality to empathize... 

“...But I fell in love with you.” 

Without even understanding the meaning of happiness. 

I selfishly wished that you might live a peaceful life. 

Light and heat assaulted my vision. 

The rocket pulled back its tail and descended into the dark ocean. 

A ship to emptiness. 

I watched it through my visor. 

The planet left. 

You left. 

Right now, more than any other time in my life, I feel human. 

I see. The real reason I had climbed to the Moon was to learn about love.